黄卫峰：政府网站中式英语问题调查（二）

dulidiyijun

作为政府网站中式英语问题系列调查之二，本次选取的调查对象为北京市政府英文网页（http://www.ebeijing.gov.cn），从中随机抽查的文本包括市长王歧山致词的英文稿，
Beijing’s History，China Briefing中的Introduction，以及socialist market economy，单词总数为3362。总体来说，译文质量还是不错的。但经过分析，发现依然存在以下主要问题，现不揣冒昧提出来，与译者商榷，并敬请专家学者批评指正。

一、市长致词英文稿中的问题

该文本共计177个单词。这篇英文稿问题相对比较严重。

1. This website aims to provide foreigners with comprehensive and timely  
information with regards to their work, study, investment, life and recreation.  

问题分析：学过英语语法的人都知道，英语中有的单词的复数形式具有区分词义的作用，因此单复数的使用要慎重。本句就存在这种问题。with regard to是英语中一个固定短语，意思是“关于（正在谈论或论及的某个话题或题目）”。因此该句中的regards应改为单数形式regard。由于该短语一般用来提示话题，置于句首，所以该短语用在该句中是否恰当，也值得商榷。另外一个意义相似但结构不同的固定短语是as regards，这里就一定要使用复数形式regards。译者可能把两者混淆了。顺便一提的是，英语中还有一个结构相似但意思截然不同的短语with kind regards，意思相当于汉语“谨此致候”，是写信结尾时一种表示友好但比较正式的表达方式。

2. With Beijing's successful winning of its bidding for the 2008 Olympic Games,  
Beijing sincerely hope that this website could become a bridge that connects  
Beijing with the rest of the world and that it could also further contribute  
to Beijing's exchanges and cooperation with other foreign countries and cities.

问题分析：该句至少存在三个明显的错误。首先，该句的主语Beijing是单数形式，因此谓语动词hope应使用第三人称单数形式，即加-s，改为hopes；第二，exchange既可用作可数名词，表示具体的“交流”情况，也可用作不可数名词，表示“交流”行为，因此既可以使用复数形式，也可以使用单数形式。但在本句的exchanges and cooperation中，主要强调“交流”这一抽象行为，且出于句子平行结构的考虑，以使用单数形式为佳。第三，with other foreign countries and cities存在逻辑问题。该短语前面没有提及其他countries and cities，因此这里的other一词完全是“画蛇添足”，属于用词不当。

3. In order to help foreigners learn more about Beijing, we will provide you with
some information services about the key measures of government affairs,  
reforms, improvement of investment environment, and invitations for public bidding  
on some key projects through this website.

问题分析：这句话也存在多处问题。首先，人称转换不当。按照英语语法规则，代词与其先行词在人称方面应保持一致。在本句中，代词you是第二人称，而其所替代的先行词foreigners却是第三人称。由于本文就是针对外国人的一篇致词（这点从称呼Dear Friends）就可以看出，所以foreigners属于用词不当，应改为you。这样全篇语气就可以保持一致。第二，information services用词不当。service一般用作不可数名词（因此不用复数形式），而作可数名词时表示“从事公共服务的机构或组织”或“服务行业”（此时一般使用复数形式）。事实上，从上下文可以看出，后面提到的都是相关信息，没有涉及“服务”，因此这里的services完全是“画蛇添足”，用词不当。第三，按照常识，reforms, improvement of investment environment, and invitations for public bidding 这些都属于government affairs，属于从属关系，不知为何把它们相提并论？另外，the key measures of government affairs似乎也存在搭配问题。

4. We sincerely hope that you could visit Beijing and that you could also contribute  
to Beijing's constructions and development with your valuable ideas and advice.

问题分析：这句话也存在至少两处需要改进的地方。第一，constructions and development中，存在复数形式不当问题。construction表示抽象意义上的“建筑、建设”时，是不可数名词，应用单数形式；作可数名词用时，表示具体的“建筑物”、“（语法上的）结构或句法关系”、“解释，说明”。根据上下文，显然这里指抽象意义上的“建设”，而且出于平行结构考虑，都应该使用单数形式。第二，your valuable ideas and advice是典型的中式思维所致，是“您的宝贵意见”的直译。我们中国人很客气，使用“宝贵”表示对对方的尊重。但外国人可不这样想。他们会想：“你要的是我们的‘宝贵意见和建议’（valuable ideas and advice），但问题是我怎么知道我自己的意见对于你们来说是否‘宝贵’（valuable）呢？看来还是不提为好。”valuable一词应当去掉。当然，这种文化差异并非本人的独特发现。《语言与文化》一书中就曾指出过类似问题。如果译者多读点关于中英文化差异的书，这些问题本来是可以避免的。毕竟，翻译不仅仅是语言问题，更是文化问题。
               
二、Beijing’s History中存在的主要问题
     
该文本单词总数为1888。

1. The fossil remains of Peking man, his stone tools and evidence of use of fire,  
as well as later tools of 18,000 years ago, bone needles and article of adornment  
from the age of Upper Cave Man are the earliest cultural relics on record in  
China today.  

问题分析：article of adornment中的article显然应该用复数形式，因为装饰品不应该只有一种。另外，later tools of 18,000 years ago中的later显然多余。

2. Some four to five thousand years ago, settlements to the southwest of Beijing  

were thriving on basic agriculture and animal husbandry.

问题分析：这个句子显然应该使用一般过去时。另外，settlements to the southwest of Beijing中的介词to的用法值得推敲。由于没有相应的中文版对照，不知道这里提到的settlements是否属于北京范围之内？但根据上下文，这里提到的是北京的历史，所以应该是北京范围内。如果这种理解是正确的话，那么应把to改为in。

3. Story has it that the legendary Yellow Emperor (Huang Di) battled against the  
tribal leader Chiyou in the ?°wilderness of the prefecture of Zhuo.?±Zhuolu, a town  
west of present-day Beijing, is perhaps the site of the first metropolis in the area.

问题分析：不知为何出现许多像?°wilderness和?±Zhuolu这种问题？这会大大影响读者的理解。可以说，这种问题非常严重，到处都是（本文后面列出的出现其他错误的句子中都会看到类似问题，不再一一说明），希望能得到尽快改进（因为这些问题很容易改进）。为了说明问题的严重性，这里再从本文没有分析的其他句子中举出一些例子来：Yellow Emperor?ˉs successor ；present¨
Cday Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region ；Kublai Khan?ˉs rule；?°base?± in the  
south；Large¨C scale.

4. Yellow Emperor?ˉs successor, Emperor Yao, was said to have established a  
legendary capital Youdu (City of Quietude) that was where the city of Ji was  
actually built.

问题分析：that was where the city of Ji was actually built中的that was显然多余，而且使句子读起来非常别扭。

5. The city of Ji was named administrative center of Guangyang Commandery, one of  
36 prefectures in China?ˉs first feudal empire.

问题分析：这里的named似乎用词不当。

6. The new expanded city, with its splendid buildings in the center measured
roughly five kilometers in circumference. The registered population of the  
Imperial Palace in the center measured roughly five kilometers in circumference.  
The registered population of Zhongdu amounted to 225,592 households, or  
approximately one million people.

问题分析：第二句话不伦不类，其主语与第三句主语相同，其谓语却与第一句话的谓语相同。可以看出，是不仔细导致的错误。第二句话完全多余，应该去掉。

7. The first stage was construction of the palace buildings, most of which  
were completed in 1274. The next stage was construction of the mansions for the  
imperial princes, the government offices, the Taimiao (Imperial Ancestral Temple)  
and Shejitan (Altar of Land and Grain) to the east and west of the palace, and a
system of streets for ordinary residences.  

问题分析：首先，第一句话和第二句话的construction前都应添加定冠词the。第二，residences应改为residents。

8. Marco Polo?ˉs description of the palaces of Cambaluc, as the called Khanbalig,  
us most famous of all:  

问题分析：首先，description …as…是搭配在一起使用的，所以as前的逗号应去掉，否则不好理解。第二，the called不符合英语表达习惯，一般使用the so-called。第三，这句话缺少谓语部分，从结构上分析，应把us改为is，可能是拼写错误造成的。

9. The layout was the result of uniform planning, the broader streets all 24 paces  
wide, the narrow lanes half this width.

问题分析：这句话结构上存在问题。

10. A north-south axis bisects the city with the Imperial Palace was knows as Danei  
(The Great Within).

问题分析：首先，该句存在两个谓语bisects和was，而中间没有能连接两个动词的连接词，显然属于语法错误。第二，was后面应该接动词的过去分词，表示被动关系，所以应将knows改为known。第三，括号里的解释既然是意译，那么既要符合语法，也要让人看得懂。但该解释，外国人读了肯定不知所云。

11. Designed with thousands of halls and gates arranged symmetrically around a  
north¨Csouth axis, its dimensions and luxuriance are a fitting symbol of the power  
and greatness of traditional China.  

问题分析：traditional China?似乎用词不当。

12. It has expanded from its old confines within the nine gates of the Inner City  
wall (Zhengyangmen, Chongwenmen, Xuanwumen, Chaoyangmen, Dongzhimen,  
Fuchengmen, Xizhimen, Andingmen and Deshengmen) to the seven outer gates  
(Dongbianmen, Guangqumen, Xibianmen, Guang?ˉ anmen, Yongdingmen, Zuoanmen and  
Youanmen) and out into the suburbs, Beijing now covers an area of about 750  
square kilometers, which includes a dozen new living districts built on the outskirts  
of town.

问题分析：首先，这句话存在明显的逗号句错误。其次，这十六道门是否有必要在此一一列出？

13. Large¨C scale construction has been undertaken along the Third Ring Road and  
the fourth Ring Road.  

问题分析：为何the Third Ring Road中的Third第一个字母大写，而the fourth Ring Road中的fourth却不大写？随意性太强。

14. Future development in Beijing will continue to preserve the symmetry of the old  
city layout while integrating modern architectural design into the over¨Call plan.  

问题分析：这句话受中式思维影响明显，主谓搭配不当，还存在垂悬修饰语（dangling modifier）问题。

                        
三、Introduction部分存在的问题

该文本字数为458，特点是长句多，但层次不分明，语意重心不突出，让读者如坠雾中。

1. By 2000, the PRC had undergone a glorious yet tortuous course of 50 years, amid  
great changes in Chinese society.

问题分析：这句话存在表达累赘问题，属于死译。the PRC和Chinese society有什么区别吗？完全可以简化为By 2000, the PRC had undergone a glorious yet tortuous course of 50 years  
with great changes.

2. In accordance with Deng Xiaoping's theory of building socialism with
Chinese characteristics, the 13th National Congress of the CPC, held in 1987,  
adopted the strategy of three stages for China's economic construction: First,  
doubling the GNP of 1980 to end shortages of food and clothing, which was  
basically completed at the end of the 1980s; second, quadrupling the GNP of 1980 by  
the end of the century, which was achieved in 1995, ahead of schedule. Thus, the  
Chinese government worked out the Ninth Five-Year Plan for National Economic and
Social Development and the Long-Term Objectives for the Year 2010, which put  
forward new objectives: Those for the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as  
follows: Complete the second phase of the strategic plan for the modernization drive  
in an all-round way and quadruple the per capita GNP of 1980 in 2000, when  
the population will have increased by about 300 million over that of 1980; raise
the people's living standard to that of a fairly comfortable life, with  
poverty practically eradicated; and expedite the formulation of a modern
enterprise system and initially establish the basis of a socialist market  
economy. Third, basically realizing modernization in the mid 21st century, the GDP
per capita reaching the level of the moderately developed countries, and people  
living a well-off life.

问题分析：这里存在许多问题。首先，这段的第一句话提到three stages（三个阶段），紧接着后面却只列出了两个stages，而第三个stage出现在最后一句话，中间插入了一个长长的其他句子，明显不符合英语思维，也让读者苦不堪言。而且，第三个stage是用分词短语来表达的，本来如果与前面两个stage放在一起，那么在结构上是平行的。但现在既然单独成句，就应该使用句子。所以电脑显示绿线，告诉我们这个句子属于片段句错误。第二，Thus, the Chinese government worked out  
the Ninth Five-Year Plan for National Economic and Social Development and the  
Long-Term Objectives for the Year 2010, which put forward new objectives: Those for
the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as follows: Complete the second phase of
the strategic plan for the modernization drive in an all-round way and quadruple
the per capita GNP of 1980 in 2000, when the population will have increased by  
about 300 million over that of 1980; raise the people's living standard to that of  
a fairly comfortable life, with poverty practically eradicated; and expedite  
the formulation of a modern enterprise system and initially establish the basis of
a socialist market economy.这个句子不仅结构非常别扭，而且存在基本语法错误，一个句子中中竟然出现两个冒号：which put forward new objectives: Those for the Ninth Five-Year Plan (1996-2000) were as follows:。上述问题的存在，在于译者完全是按照中文原文的顺序翻译的，没有从篇章的角度进行处理。中译英一般是以句子为单位，但有时需要从篇章的层面进行调整，以符合英语思维习惯。
                          
四、社会主义市场经济

该文本单词总数为839。

1. At the beginning of the 1980s, the reform of the credit and loan mechanism,  
beginning with "unified plan, multi-level control, connection of deposits with  
loans, and being responsible for making up differences" developed in accordance with  
the ratio between assets and debts, and eliminating the limits for the sizes of  
loans.

问题分析：and eliminating the limits for the sizes of loans与句子的哪一部分形成并列关系？存在语法问题。

2. In 1999, China had 1,800 China stores, over 2,000 various flea markets, over
1,000 leasing enterprises, and over 1,000 auction enterprises.

问题分析：刚读完这句话，笔者百思不得其解China stores（中国店）是什么意思。后来推测可能是拼写错误，应该是chain stores（连锁商店）。

3. But since the start of the reform and opening, along with the expansion of  
the commodity market scale and the change of the relations between commodity supply
and demand, the state has carried out price reform step by step and according to plan.

问题分析：step by step and according to plan这两者之间不应该是并列关系。

4. The fixing of prices by the state follows three forms: the fixing of price by  
the state, state guiding prices and market regulatory prices.

问题分析：这句话存在两个主要问题。首先，从语法上来说，the fixing of price by the state与state guiding prices和market regulatory prices结构上不平行，而且state guiding prices 和 market regulatory prices本身也存在语法问题（一般使用state-guided price和market-
regulated price，后面相应的表达方式建议作类似改进）。其次，这句话的语意重心在于说明价格的确定，而且第三种形式不是属于国家定价，而是市场定价。因此建议全句改为The prices are  
fixed in three ways: set by the state, guided by the state or regulated by the market.

5. Comparing 1998 with 1978, the index of the retail sales prices of rural  
industrial products increased by 3.88 times; and the index of the synthetic  
relative prices between industrial and agricultural commodities was 59.7 percent.

问题分析：首先，从语法上来说，Comparing 1998 with 1978属于英语作文中的dangling modifier错误。第二，synthetic relative prices似乎存在用词不当问题。

6. Besides, the price scissors in the exchange of industrial products for  
agricultural products were alleviated.

问题分析：笔者对经济学术语不是很了解，不知price scissors是什么意思？

结束语
     
从以上分析可知，尽管北京市政府网站英文网页质量相对于广西壮族自治区政府的英文网页要好很多，但问题依然不少，不容忽视。希望本文能推动北京市政府英文网页今后得到不断完善。

（感谢黄卫峰先生惠寄）


学术批评网（www.acriticism.com）首发 2006年11月16日